Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
