So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
how drunk are you?
Several
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize