I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
