If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
