Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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