I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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