You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
