Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize