Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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