the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
