Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
