I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
