dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
