dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
