Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
