I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
