Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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