Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
