So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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