she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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