I think im going to throw up on grandma
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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