Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
