Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
