Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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