I met the friendliest cop last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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