We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
