so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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