Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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