I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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