No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
