And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
