I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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