I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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