He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
