Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
