It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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