Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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