forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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