i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you had me at cake vodka
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
