i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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