just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
