I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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