I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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