She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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