Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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