so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Your cock deserves a montage
My penis needs a shock collar
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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