we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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