i just wanna soil my oats bro
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
