If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
