Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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