I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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