All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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