You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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