It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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