if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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