thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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