Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
