It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
