I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
