Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
