I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
