did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we have pet lesbian snakes
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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