Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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