I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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