God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
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he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
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Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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