she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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