I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
